June 05, 2006
i'm sober, goddammit

i'm sober and have been for days now.

unfortunately i have also been feeling somewhat under the weather, between the fluid in my ears and the stomach discomfort and the unending sideshow of horrors that is my place of employment.

will someone in los angeles please JUST GIVE ME A FUCKING JOB?????

one that requires moderate brain usage and doesn't close out the week with a routine file search that returns copious amounts of porn?

unless my job is at playboy or some shit, which is cool, hef, if you're reading this. (hire me! i'm smart!)

either way, i'm seriously hitting the bottom here. i'm ready to go apply at starbucks or something and spend my days in bed listening to morrisey and applying layers of black eyeliner.

it could happen. i bought liquid and kohl stick just in case.



12 Comments:

Blogger Sachi said...

Right on. You can be a barista with me. I don't know what I'm going to do for a couple months....

Blogger melissa.in.london said...

Yeah, Hef. You totally should hire MK. She has great boobs to boot.

Blogger me said...

why don't you just search outside of la?
take a job in the caribbean, pouring frou frou drinks or perhaps taking reservations or something...?
and hotel work, as hard and mindnumbing as it can be, is great to get into because you can get some AWESOME benefits from it, like cheaper room rates and stuff. they move you right up to the top. especially the bigger chains, then you could work in different countries.

Blogger Thérèse said...

Ah, LA is rough.

But on the plus side, I do think you would make a fantastic off-beat Starbucks employee.

Don't forget the crazy jewelery.

Blogger Beeb said...

I agree with Me only I'd say work in the cruise industry... just think of how much fun that'll be. It's lots of work but lots of fun too!

Fru fru drink for you....


Fru fru drink for me...

Blogger MadMeer said...

I know how you feel. I'm considering localized panhandling just so I don't have to spend 2 hours a day in the car so I can get to work so I can sit in a box all day so I can be underpaid.

At least there are a lot of hot men at Starbucks...and at stoplights. The benefits are probably better too.

Maybe tell Hef that you have really smart boobs. Put in a good word for my boobs too, would ya?

Blogger Sarah Smile said...

I'll hire you. The pay is lousy but I won't make you do anything but blog.

Ok, it's a sucky offer.

Here's hoping you get a better one, like, five minutes ago.

Blogger Tel said...

Oh lord. Is this the guy who makes you empty the dishwasher?

Blogger briana said...

If I had my own company, I would hire you stat! as my head administrator/office dominatrix/general muse. Unless I had my own yoga studio, at which oint I would make you the best paid receptionist in all of Los Angeles AND you could have unlimited free massages. And yoga, natch.

Blogger Uccellina said...

Starbucks gives you health benefits for part time work.

Not too shabby.

Blogger jiggs said...

There is no shame in working at starbucks. Starbucks might not be a dream job, but I know a guy that support his wife while she gets her phd by working at starbucks. And as uccelina points out, you get health benefits even as a part-time employee.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

No shame in working at Starbucks...I was thinking of doing the same. They give benefits to employees after twenty hours.

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