*alternately titled:
wherein i quote briana, which makes good blogging. clearly.
so, this past weekend i went gay. it was pretty cool, and i'm not sure it's worth the trip back.
it all started with an evite and i was halfway gay already. i mean, i've been in california for almost two years and i can count on one hand the number of times i've "gone out." so being invited somewhere was like love at first sight.
briana had her birthday celebration on saturday. it was in silverlake, which might as well be guam because i spent a whole hour in the car to get there. i heart the freeway. it makes me want to drive into a high wall. we (briana, constance and i) went to
the brewery, which you should say all nasal-like, and which is essentially a big dorm for artists with trustfunds because it's all lofty and open spaced and commune like. also, there's art. specifically, the bi-annual
brewery art walk, which is where you get to walk around their studios and look at their works and they have discounted rates (as opposed to outrageous gallery rates.) mostly you really go to look at where people live and all the stuff they have, because who doesn't want to be a spy?
i would make an AWESOME
spy.
so we saw some cool stuff, like the church of art where this guy built some crazy contraption that makes music! from old car horns and pretty much flubber.
he sang songs! it made my foot all tappy.
that (and erect nipples) tell me when someone's g.o.o.d.it ruled. there was some crazy shit on the walls, and velvet curtains (they had me at hello) and this guy on the side who painted a picture on plastic to each song- then took a photograph- and when the song was over, wiped it away. each painting was so ephemeral, it really turned out to be one of the most spiritual experiences i've encountered in a long time. i got all thinky and shit.
the ghost is holding a martini. 'nuff said.we also saw some really really bad art, like the lady with the seventies drug vibe (i don't mean that in a good way, though normally i totally would.) she had this painting of a skeleton in a clown suit and it looked like scary fleamarket art. it was soon forgotten when we encountered "the american penis of death" (not it's actual title), a highly-colorful painting of an erect and ejaculating penis that was red white and blue. that would be bad enough, right? except that it had two pumping (hehe) fists, and was perched atop a pile of dead bodies and body parts. i wish i could have taken a picture- i think it played a large part in the eventual gayness of the whole excursion.
we needed a good palate cleanser after that, so we strolled around looking for something that might ease our now incredibly troubled minds. we saw a studio with light sculptures of bugs that was pretty cool, but unfortunately really dark, because when he let me take pictures of the sculpture i liked best, it wasn't a light one, so the pics are all flashy. i forget the guy's name, but i have it written down somewhere. the piece was called
possibilitree.and a poor quality
close up. it ruled. you love it.
we came upon a studio for some leatherworker who thought he was much cooler than he actually was, but there was a bald lady in there who had glued sequins to her head and then flocked it in black velvet. it was probably the coolest thing ever. except for possibly this:
of course i would dumpy and thick next to the stream-lined wonder of delorean. oooh sexy!then we went out to dinner at "malo" where they have delicious white sangria that makes your brain pound like death the next morning- even if you make sure to stop drinking early and throw back water and aspirin and even if you pray to the martini ghost. which of course is just not fair. the martini ghost saves!
later we did one of my most favoritest things in the world: we went to a dive bar! yay! you know it's really and truly a dive bar when you go into the bathroom and happen upon something like
this.
and it only gets better when you put in fifty cents and get something like this:
STEP ONE- the outer shell
STEP TWO- the first layer
STEP THREE- surprise!
mostly what i loved about this bar was that we did karaoke, and not the shiny wannabe LA kind- the sort where there's three other people there so you get to go up and sing over and over and over. because
obviously people want to hear you sing every jewel song in the catalog. obviously.
all day and night long i had been trying to get a feel for constance. she seemed very sweet, appearing slightly more reserved than briana and i. she mentioned she was a drummer (and i love drummers. i want to rub myself on their hawt hawt arms) and that she would teach me to ride a bike, (and possibly also to
twirl my pasties) but i knew it was love for sure when she stepped in front of the karaoke micraphone and sang not one, but all of the following songs:
1. girl you know it's true- milli vanilli
2. eyes of a stranger - queensryche
3. pour some sugar on me - def leppard
4. another song that i am forgetting but that turned me enormously gay
i heart constance! she and briana will be in vegas the same weekend as me and jiggs casey, so i think todd better start laying down some tarp and stockpiling the likker.
